They're Here!!

And already one month old as of this past Thursday! Sorry that it's taken me so long to update you all. Things have been... well, different, of course! An amazingly busy, wonderful, wouldn't-trade-it-for-the-world different! :)

After a highly eventful pregnancy of 33w and 5d, Logan Jacob and Emma Claire have made they're way into this world and into our hearts forever. Daddy is happy to call Logan "big brother" after being born at 7:35 am, weighing in at 4lb 15oz and measuring 18.25" in length. His "little" sister Emma was a tiny 3lbs 8oz, 16.75 in length, born at 7:36 am.

Pleased to introduce you to Logan Jacob!

And Miss Emma Claire, too!

The Delivery
The c-section itself went very well, though everything happened so incredibly fast it was surreal. They both came out crying loud as can be and the tears instantly started rolling - I was finally a Mommy! We were at last parents!!!! Thank you God!

Me, big as a house with severe preeclampsia,
on mag (what a lovely drug), waiting to deliver and meet our babies!

I am soooo happy to report that they were both born very healthy; they were on oxygen for less than two days (if I remember correctly) and were taking bottles shortly thereafter. They were in the NICU for a little less than two weeks after flying through all of the various milestones and have been home for going on two weeks now. Overall, the birth experience and NICU time was wonderful. It gave the kids the opportunity get up to speed and make sure they were good and ready to come home, gave Mommy plenty of time to recover from the c-section and months of bedrest and helped us immensely in transitioning to parenthood, especially with preemies.

So how are things going now?
Pretty well actually! The babies are growing like weeds and gaining an average of 2oz a day! At this point Logan is pretty close to the 7lb mark and Emma is about 5 1/2 lbs. We're sleeping in shifts so that we each get about 5-6 hours of solid sleep every night, which is working out great so far, especially since we're waking them around the clock to feed. I have the utmost privilege of being able to stay home with these two and care and raise them. I never want to take this for granted. It really is a gift. Each day brings something slightly new and going with the flow is very helpful ;-) You never know what's in store! It's both challenging and very rewarding, to say the least.

Things I love the most so far...
First and foremost - the snuggles :) I am a fool about cuddling and these two are the perfect companions! I will miss like crazy their tiny bodies on my chest at 3am, catnapping away. The smell of their hair. The curious little grunting noises they are making now. And, it's so awesome to see their little personalities begin to shine, even though they will change and develop a great deal. Logan, at times, is quite the drama king. It's hilarious actually. He is so expressive and isn't afraid to let you know when he's unhappy. He is such a character, we just love him like crazy! And Miss Emma. Well, she's our darling little angel. Easy to please and pretty content with a full belly and plenty of sleep. She will give you the biggest smiles ever and look at you with the most inquisitive eyes. I'm just certain she's taking it all in so that she is well beyond her age when she's the ripe age of 3. A true princess, I can see it now.

What I look forward to...
While the babies are wide-eyed and engaged every so often during each day now, I'm excited about the stage when they can interact more. Right now we are letting them eat/sleep as much as possible so that they reserve their calories and continue to gain weight, making them big and strong! For the next couple of months we'll be laying low, giving them time to strengthen their immune systems. After all they've been through they deserve to have us take it slow in introducing them to the world. I could go on and on about what I look forward to... not sure there's something that I am not excited about!

All in all, we're just trying to savor each and every little moment!! I am sure there will come a day in the not-so-distant future where I will already miss this newborn stage. Sigh. Don't grow up too fast, little ones! :)

This isn't goodbye!
But I will say I doubt I will post nearly as often as I did before. Maybe one day (in my "free time" - ha!) I will start a mommy-type blog, but for now my attention is being focused on them and jotting down stuff for their memory books. That ought to keep me plenty busy! I will, however, update from time to time to keep in touch.

Thank you!
You all have been so incredibly supportive, prayerful, loving and just down right wonderful and I thank you for that. We needed it so very much during the past couple of years. There were many times we weren't sure if these moments would ever be possible for us, but deep in my heart I knew God knew our desire. I wasn't sure in what way he would meet those needs, but... well you know our journey. I am so very glad our story has gone on to touch and help so many of you. Thank you for your comments and letting me know that. That part alone makes this all worth it; knowing we have been used to help others going through similar situations is just amazing! God works in wondrous ways!

And, please please please. If you are going through infertility still, please have faith and know that God loves you and has a plan for your life and your family too. I really and truly believe that. For us, our journey to baby wasn't at all how we expected it would be, but wow how we've grown stronger as a couple and family. As crazy as it sounds, I wouldn't change a thing.

Without further ado...
I'm so proud to be able to share these with you all. Below are several more candid pics as they've aged through the weeks now and here are some our friend Donna took of them at four days old in the NICU and these are their most recent three week pics done by her as well! Donna is so very talented and the pictures - oh how I treasure them already!

We love you babies! So glad you are finally here with us!!

Today's the Day!!!

24-hour urine collection showed 9.7 grams when 5 grams are considered severe. They've moved me to L&D and put me on mag to prevent escalation and side effects. C-section is scheduled for 7 am, and I will be on mag for 24 hours following the delivery as a precaution.

Just wanted to give you an update. They're going to be here soon! I will post birth stories and photos as soon as I am up to it.

Thank you for all your support and prayers.

Possible Preeclampsia

Not super surprised by this, given how I've been feeling. Back in the hospital, this time for symptoms of preeclampsia.

I went to my weekly NST appointment and yesterday the nurse noticed my blood pressure was elevated - 162/101. We went to the hospital to get checked out and are now being kept for observation. Symptoms currently include edema which is swelling/fluid retention in my feet, ankles, eyelids and well... I basically feel like I'm retaining a little in most places including my legs and even my belly. When I was admitted yesterday they noted a level 3 pitting edema in my ankles (the number of seconds skin stays indented when they press on swollen areas). Apparently a 1 is mild and 4 is considered excessive. I've also gained another 10 lbs in 7 days.

The initial dipstick test for protein in my urine came out pretty elevated... creeping into the severe category. Since apparently this type of test isn't always super accurate, they ordered a 24-hr urine test. We should get the results of that back either late tonight or early tomorrow. If there is a high level from this one, they would likely deliver asap, as it would signal not only are vital organs like my kidneys not functioning properly, but it means the placentas aren't working efficiently and the babies likely aren't getting enough nutrients or oxygen any longer. If the results are "mild", and my other symptoms stay the same, they might instead just keep me here until delivery or when something changes that causes them to need to deliver. Also, my bloodwork came back slightly elevated, but nothing alarming, however one thing they look for in particular (forget the name) that is indicative of preeclampsia did come back above normal, just not severe.

I honestly thought that this second time around at the hospital would be easier. Because I feel like I just don't have much strength left in me it isn't, or at least yesterday, it wasn't. Lots of "what ifs" that made it seem a bit overwhelming at first and, like I said, I just felt like crap. In fact, not sure if this was just due to me not being able to eat anything since breakfast, in combination with wicked acid reflux, but I ended up throwing up later in the evening. What's my deal with throwing up in the hospital. Embarrassing and just not fun at all (not that it ever is). Today my energy is up a bit and I feel more at ease. It's nice to know we are almost there and that is what I'm trying to concentrate on now. Though it would be great to squeeze out another 1-2 weeks in an ideal world, if it's "time" we're ready, especially if it means keeping the babies any myself safe.

I did receive another round of steroids for the babies, so that's good. And so far their heart tracings on the monitor look good as well. I will be getting an NST done every day from now on while I'm here. I did find out my OB will be leaving town at the end of today and not returning until Monday, so that stinks if we have to deliver. And, my high risk doctor is also out until Monday. I have to laugh a little... these kiddos sure do know how to stir things up!

Anyway, now we wait and see what the results of the test, watch symptoms and go from there. Praying for a safe close to this pregnancy!

Weights are up... energy, not so much

The good news is I'm 33 weeks now. As of this past Wednesday, baby boy weighs 4lb 10oz and baby girl a lighter 3lb 10oz, which is MUCH better than her previous weight. My guess is that they just didn't get accurate measurements on her last time. I'd really like to see her get above 4lbs before delivery, so that, along with getting to 34 weeks, is my current goal. Makes it seem less overwhelming if I approach it this way.

(I feel like I'm reading the "specials of the week"...) New ailments include the ever-famous and oh-so-desirable "cankles". I've always thought ankles were highly over-rated anyway. Also numbness in my hands and feet, along with puffy eyelids. I frequently grunt and moan after getting up to do simple tasks like rolling over, bathroom breaks, etc. It ain't pretty folks. My body really dislikes me these days. Jay took one look at my bare tummy the other night and said, "Yeah, I don't think you have much longer"... or do I? (:o

Yes, at times lately I definitely feel like I've hit a wall, but I'm crossing my fingers I find my second wind!

We've made it to 32!!

I am so thankful we've been able to get our babies to this point (and counting!!). It is such a relief to know they would, if born now, likely live full lives with no long term health issues. Though they were hopeful, doctors never really thought I'd make it to this point. Every prayer that has gone up and every helping hand that has been extended has not gone unnoticed. We are so thankful for everything and I know we wouldn't be here without the wonderful support we've received and a loving God who still has big plans for these two lives.

What's new with mommy?
At 32 weeks it would seem my body is really starting to feel the effects of this pregnancy. For one, I now weigh... gulp... an embarrassing 158lbs. That's a 50 lb weight gain. I guess it's no wonder I am not feeling tip top. A few weeks ago my legs started turning bright red and itching like crazy when I stand up, a sure sign of poor circulation. Last week my wrist began hurting off and on, this week my knees feel like they can't stand to bare much weight, my heels ache when I walk and the joints in my fingers are filled with fluid and hurt when I bend them. I also cannot breathe very well sitting, or sometimes even reclining, upright. I attribute this one to both the third trimester and months of bedrest. Add to that, an increase in contractions in the past week and a half and that sums up where I'm at these days. Gone are the days of a "healthy pregnancy," but a fair and willing trade for two healthy babies.

Getting Ready...
At this stage of the game, I'm eagerly searching for a speed-bake button. Between my body, nearly three months of bedrest and the finishing touches being put on the nursery, I am finally feeling as ready as one can be to become a parent. I think Jay would agree, seeing as how he's been talking to the babies and telling them it's ok to come for weeks now. I have been scolding him, saying "not just yet!", but I'm now opening up to the idea more and more each day. My feeling is that each day I can keep them in is one day closer to them coming home!

Looking back at this pregnancy...
Well, it's not quite what I had imagined, though how could I have possibly anticipated so many extremes. Feeling Overcome with Joy. Elated. Surprised. Scared. Alone. Exhausted. But most of all: Honored unlike ever before. To have a little lives taking shape and forming inside you is nothing short of a miracle in the making. I already feel extremely honored and grateful to be their mommy and to be able to share this life long bond with them.

I have loved feeling them getting bigger and stronger with each passing week, seeing them grow through our many ultrasounds and learning little traits that each possesses, even at such a young age. Like baby girl who has forever been curious about any little object that touches her through my belly - from the doppler and now to daddy's hands that move from one spot to the next, with her moving right along with them, investigating the outside world. Or, baby boy who has, for most of the pregnancy, been in "hibernation" soaking up the calories and passing up his sister in weight, but who has now, within the past couple weeks, woken up from his slumber to cause "earthquakes" when he decides to stretch and test out his strength (he is resting "deeper" than his sister, so his movements generally feel quite a bit different than her pokes and prods). It's quite obvious these two are getting bigger, especially when they keep me up with their early morning play time sessions as recent as this week. Who knew their cute little movements would start to make mommy say ouch!

I wouldn't trade any of that for the world. Not infertility. Not the chubby cheeks. Not the complications. Nothing.

Doctor Updates
Last week I did my first NST monitoring. Babies were showing great activity and responding well. I also saw my OB. Blood pressure was 134/80, which is somewhat high, but not too high (140/90 is the threshold). Cervix is still closed and the cerclage is holding strong. Great to know all is well in that department, but ever since the cerclage was put in, OMG those digital checks are just about the top of my pain tolerance! When doing a quick scan we saw that baby girl had flipped AGAIN and is back in the breech position. Crazy girl! Overall, he was impressed that we've made it this far and we even went ahead and set a date for my 37 week c-section, should I actually make it that far. I'm doubtful and laugh at that thought, but who knows... I'm cautiously penciling in Friday, April 9 at 9:30 am as "the" big day.

We have another NST and growth ultrasound tomorrow. Hopeful and anxious to see if any of those eight mommy pounds gained in the past two weeks went to beefing up baby girl. Praying for a positive report!

Here are some favorite ultrasound pics from the last few months that I just got around to scanning. Again, (as noted on the photos), Baby A is our little boy and B is our girl.

24w6d (above)

25w6d (above)

27w7d (above)

Big one, little one.

Our appointment on Wednesday went pretty well. Still no change in cervical length, so no complaints there. In fact, he said that at this point he sees no need to check it any further, which I'm totally not complaining about! Babies were moving around wonderfully, both head down (yes, she did flip after all) and turned inward, facing each other. Picturing this absolutely melts my heart! To think they might, from time to time, take turns looking at each other, touching faces and possibly even exchanging baby kisses :)

The only thing that leaves me wondering, and a bit concerned (even though the doctor isn't at this point), is their weights. Baby boy is HUGE. To set things up, the average singleton around 31 weeks is 3lbs 7oz and, with twins, they tend to favor being smaller, generally speaking, though I know this isn't always the case. Anyway, he is 4lbs 2oz!!!! That's about 2 weeks ahead of where he should be. Baby girl, however, is quite petite, weighing in at 2lbs 12oz. This just so happens to be 2 weeks behind schedule, the opposite of baby brother. How weird is that! Our high risk doc said that this does put her in the 21st percentile (20th is when they start looking into things and the 10th is when issues typically arise), but since they both have their own sacs and placentas and there is nothing alarming about actual measurements (like their belly measuring different than their femur, for instance), fluid levels look good and since we're not seeing this in the early 20s, week wise, he's not too concerned. He also added that ultrasounds are often off by 6oz or so either way, anyway.

Of course, I still worry to a degree. Like every parent, I suppose, I just want my babies to be healthy and I worry this could put her at a disadvantage if they were both born soon. Then again, I know weight isn't everything... and certainly God has taken care of us throughout this, so I have faith that he would protect her in this instance as well. In the meantime, I am adding back in Carnation drinks full of vitamins and extra calories to try and beef her up a little :)

On the way out that day, the woman at the desk setting our next appointments said, "Ok, we're going to do one for next week that will just be monitoring (looking for decelerations in the babies' heartbeats, which they do for most people around this time) and we're going to do an appointment the following week for another growth ultrasound and monitoring... sounds like he doesn't see any point in setting up anything further out...". We were like "Oh really, why's that?" To which she replied, "Oh, he didn't tell you? Well, you didn't hear it from me, but it sounds like he thinks you'll deliver around or before then."

At this point we burst into laughter. It's weird to hear someone put a date on it like that. She went on to comment that with the babies measuring different, and if baby girl is still behind, they may want to induce so that it gives her a better advantage at gaining weight outside of the womb. Then again, we may go in two weeks and things have caught back up and we continue on... as usual, there is no real way to know what lies ahead for us in these next several weeks, so we'll continue to go with the flow. On thing this does do is put a little extra motivation in our to-do list!

Here are a few belly pics from the past couple of months. It's so funny how much it's changed... right along with my now chubby face :) No matter. I love our babies!

Ignoring my embarrassingly dirty bathroom mirror...
this was during week 20, a few days before I went into the hospital.
I'd originally planned to send this to Jay who was out of town
at the time, but never got the chance.

Here I present you two seriously hot pics of me, taken at 26w4d. ;P
This was after coming off magnesium sulfate for the third time. I realized I
hadn't had a belly pic taken since I was admitted at 21 weeks and,
with being sent back to L&D, I wasn't sure how much longer I had at the time.

My most recent: Me and the babies at 30w6d :)

Just call me the energizer bunny :)

Yes, still at home and going strong - 31 weeks this Friday, which seems unreal! I lie here and think that even if I make it to a full 37 weeks (the longest my OB will let me go), that is just a little over a month away. And then our life will change forever. Quite surreal!

You might be wondering what I do at home all day... well, it's not very different from what I was doing in the hospital. I get up to shower, on average every other day, walk to the couch a few times a week for a change of scenery and other than that I lie in my bed, rolling from side to side and seeing just how messy I can be while eating lying down. It's real exciting, let me tell ya. Lots of TV, internet surfing, book reading... repeat.

Oh, and there are doctors appointments to attend, anywhere from once to twice a week. Nice to get out and about, but the extra activity makes me extra tired and also tends to stir up contractions. Since being released I've "passed" two cervical length checks (both around 2.2) with the high-risk doc, and seen my OB once. I now weigh a whopping 150 (that's a total of 43lbs gained so far) and during the quick scan he was pretty sure baby girl had flipped back into a head-down position, from her breech position just two days prior to that. We have another appointment at the perinatal center today and I'm curious to see how she's lying.

I'm also a bit anxious in general. These past two times I've gone, I run through a scenario in my head of watching the ultrasound screen and seeing a cervix that has been compromised. I would really prefer not to be readmitted but I know that if I did have to be, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Now that I'm home though, and feel like I have a tiny bit of my life back, the thought seems dreadful. But, I'm going to remain positive and repeat "my cervix is made of steal" for good measure. :)

What IS exciting about today's appointment is that we get to see more of the babies, find out how much they are weighing now and hopefully catch a glimpse of something extra cute, like toes! I had a dream last night I could see one of their little feet moving across my belly and this time I could make out teenie tiny toes - it was the best! Last scan (just shy of 30 weeks), the sonographer pointed out the fact that baby boy was practicing very good breathing movements, as well as baby girl. This doesn't mean 100% that their lungs are fully developed, but it is a very encouraging sign.

Aside from the day-t0-day, I've been trying to tie up the loose ends on the nursery. My mom and Jay worked on painting and putting up a border, as well as outfitting the cribs with skirts and a valance for the window that I ordered back in December. It is looking wonderful!! I also made and had printed custom name decor and a few other little personal touches that I can't wait to set out. The current task at hand is figuring out how to organize toys and books in a baby-friendly way and to make the changing table area more practical. Now that we're having our shower's after they arrive, I'm also putting together a list of things we'll need to have on hand when they come home. Seeing their room come together is one of the most refreshing things right now.

Among all the craziness, I had a birthday yesterday. 28. Wow, that seems very unnatural. In any case, considering my physical state, it was a very nice birthday. A weekend birthday dinner made by my mom (ssooo good!), couple calls with two very good friends (I sooo love good conversation and miss it like crazy), a surprise gift with a personal touch and a husband who spoiled me rotten. beautiful Flowers, warm cinnamon rolls, a tasty meal and tons of candy, including our favorites: sweet tart Easter jelly bean candy things and lots of delicious chocolate from the Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate Company. Yumm-E! All that, and by far my favorite surprise was what Jay got for the kids... two delicate stuffed animals that made my heart melt.

Will update soon with pics and baby weights!