Possible Preeclampsia

Not super surprised by this, given how I've been feeling. Back in the hospital, this time for symptoms of preeclampsia.

I went to my weekly NST appointment and yesterday the nurse noticed my blood pressure was elevated - 162/101. We went to the hospital to get checked out and are now being kept for observation. Symptoms currently include edema which is swelling/fluid retention in my feet, ankles, eyelids and well... I basically feel like I'm retaining a little in most places including my legs and even my belly. When I was admitted yesterday they noted a level 3 pitting edema in my ankles (the number of seconds skin stays indented when they press on swollen areas). Apparently a 1 is mild and 4 is considered excessive. I've also gained another 10 lbs in 7 days.

The initial dipstick test for protein in my urine came out pretty elevated... creeping into the severe category. Since apparently this type of test isn't always super accurate, they ordered a 24-hr urine test. We should get the results of that back either late tonight or early tomorrow. If there is a high level from this one, they would likely deliver asap, as it would signal not only are vital organs like my kidneys not functioning properly, but it means the placentas aren't working efficiently and the babies likely aren't getting enough nutrients or oxygen any longer. If the results are "mild", and my other symptoms stay the same, they might instead just keep me here until delivery or when something changes that causes them to need to deliver. Also, my bloodwork came back slightly elevated, but nothing alarming, however one thing they look for in particular (forget the name) that is indicative of preeclampsia did come back above normal, just not severe.

I honestly thought that this second time around at the hospital would be easier. Because I feel like I just don't have much strength left in me it isn't, or at least yesterday, it wasn't. Lots of "what ifs" that made it seem a bit overwhelming at first and, like I said, I just felt like crap. In fact, not sure if this was just due to me not being able to eat anything since breakfast, in combination with wicked acid reflux, but I ended up throwing up later in the evening. What's my deal with throwing up in the hospital. Embarrassing and just not fun at all (not that it ever is). Today my energy is up a bit and I feel more at ease. It's nice to know we are almost there and that is what I'm trying to concentrate on now. Though it would be great to squeeze out another 1-2 weeks in an ideal world, if it's "time" we're ready, especially if it means keeping the babies any myself safe.

I did receive another round of steroids for the babies, so that's good. And so far their heart tracings on the monitor look good as well. I will be getting an NST done every day from now on while I'm here. I did find out my OB will be leaving town at the end of today and not returning until Monday, so that stinks if we have to deliver. And, my high risk doctor is also out until Monday. I have to laugh a little... these kiddos sure do know how to stir things up!

Anyway, now we wait and see what the results of the test, watch symptoms and go from there. Praying for a safe close to this pregnancy!

Weights are up... energy, not so much

The good news is I'm 33 weeks now. As of this past Wednesday, baby boy weighs 4lb 10oz and baby girl a lighter 3lb 10oz, which is MUCH better than her previous weight. My guess is that they just didn't get accurate measurements on her last time. I'd really like to see her get above 4lbs before delivery, so that, along with getting to 34 weeks, is my current goal. Makes it seem less overwhelming if I approach it this way.

(I feel like I'm reading the "specials of the week"...) New ailments include the ever-famous and oh-so-desirable "cankles". I've always thought ankles were highly over-rated anyway. Also numbness in my hands and feet, along with puffy eyelids. I frequently grunt and moan after getting up to do simple tasks like rolling over, bathroom breaks, etc. It ain't pretty folks. My body really dislikes me these days. Jay took one look at my bare tummy the other night and said, "Yeah, I don't think you have much longer"... or do I? (:o

Yes, at times lately I definitely feel like I've hit a wall, but I'm crossing my fingers I find my second wind!

We've made it to 32!!

I am so thankful we've been able to get our babies to this point (and counting!!). It is such a relief to know they would, if born now, likely live full lives with no long term health issues. Though they were hopeful, doctors never really thought I'd make it to this point. Every prayer that has gone up and every helping hand that has been extended has not gone unnoticed. We are so thankful for everything and I know we wouldn't be here without the wonderful support we've received and a loving God who still has big plans for these two lives.

What's new with mommy?
At 32 weeks it would seem my body is really starting to feel the effects of this pregnancy. For one, I now weigh... gulp... an embarrassing 158lbs. That's a 50 lb weight gain. I guess it's no wonder I am not feeling tip top. A few weeks ago my legs started turning bright red and itching like crazy when I stand up, a sure sign of poor circulation. Last week my wrist began hurting off and on, this week my knees feel like they can't stand to bare much weight, my heels ache when I walk and the joints in my fingers are filled with fluid and hurt when I bend them. I also cannot breathe very well sitting, or sometimes even reclining, upright. I attribute this one to both the third trimester and months of bedrest. Add to that, an increase in contractions in the past week and a half and that sums up where I'm at these days. Gone are the days of a "healthy pregnancy," but a fair and willing trade for two healthy babies.

Getting Ready...
At this stage of the game, I'm eagerly searching for a speed-bake button. Between my body, nearly three months of bedrest and the finishing touches being put on the nursery, I am finally feeling as ready as one can be to become a parent. I think Jay would agree, seeing as how he's been talking to the babies and telling them it's ok to come for weeks now. I have been scolding him, saying "not just yet!", but I'm now opening up to the idea more and more each day. My feeling is that each day I can keep them in is one day closer to them coming home!

Looking back at this pregnancy...
Well, it's not quite what I had imagined, though how could I have possibly anticipated so many extremes. Feeling Overcome with Joy. Elated. Surprised. Scared. Alone. Exhausted. But most of all: Honored unlike ever before. To have a little lives taking shape and forming inside you is nothing short of a miracle in the making. I already feel extremely honored and grateful to be their mommy and to be able to share this life long bond with them.

I have loved feeling them getting bigger and stronger with each passing week, seeing them grow through our many ultrasounds and learning little traits that each possesses, even at such a young age. Like baby girl who has forever been curious about any little object that touches her through my belly - from the doppler and now to daddy's hands that move from one spot to the next, with her moving right along with them, investigating the outside world. Or, baby boy who has, for most of the pregnancy, been in "hibernation" soaking up the calories and passing up his sister in weight, but who has now, within the past couple weeks, woken up from his slumber to cause "earthquakes" when he decides to stretch and test out his strength (he is resting "deeper" than his sister, so his movements generally feel quite a bit different than her pokes and prods). It's quite obvious these two are getting bigger, especially when they keep me up with their early morning play time sessions as recent as this week. Who knew their cute little movements would start to make mommy say ouch!

I wouldn't trade any of that for the world. Not infertility. Not the chubby cheeks. Not the complications. Nothing.

Doctor Updates
Last week I did my first NST monitoring. Babies were showing great activity and responding well. I also saw my OB. Blood pressure was 134/80, which is somewhat high, but not too high (140/90 is the threshold). Cervix is still closed and the cerclage is holding strong. Great to know all is well in that department, but ever since the cerclage was put in, OMG those digital checks are just about the top of my pain tolerance! When doing a quick scan we saw that baby girl had flipped AGAIN and is back in the breech position. Crazy girl! Overall, he was impressed that we've made it this far and we even went ahead and set a date for my 37 week c-section, should I actually make it that far. I'm doubtful and laugh at that thought, but who knows... I'm cautiously penciling in Friday, April 9 at 9:30 am as "the" big day.

We have another NST and growth ultrasound tomorrow. Hopeful and anxious to see if any of those eight mommy pounds gained in the past two weeks went to beefing up baby girl. Praying for a positive report!

Here are some favorite ultrasound pics from the last few months that I just got around to scanning. Again, (as noted on the photos), Baby A is our little boy and B is our girl.

24w6d (above)

25w6d (above)

27w7d (above)

Big one, little one.

Our appointment on Wednesday went pretty well. Still no change in cervical length, so no complaints there. In fact, he said that at this point he sees no need to check it any further, which I'm totally not complaining about! Babies were moving around wonderfully, both head down (yes, she did flip after all) and turned inward, facing each other. Picturing this absolutely melts my heart! To think they might, from time to time, take turns looking at each other, touching faces and possibly even exchanging baby kisses :)

The only thing that leaves me wondering, and a bit concerned (even though the doctor isn't at this point), is their weights. Baby boy is HUGE. To set things up, the average singleton around 31 weeks is 3lbs 7oz and, with twins, they tend to favor being smaller, generally speaking, though I know this isn't always the case. Anyway, he is 4lbs 2oz!!!! That's about 2 weeks ahead of where he should be. Baby girl, however, is quite petite, weighing in at 2lbs 12oz. This just so happens to be 2 weeks behind schedule, the opposite of baby brother. How weird is that! Our high risk doc said that this does put her in the 21st percentile (20th is when they start looking into things and the 10th is when issues typically arise), but since they both have their own sacs and placentas and there is nothing alarming about actual measurements (like their belly measuring different than their femur, for instance), fluid levels look good and since we're not seeing this in the early 20s, week wise, he's not too concerned. He also added that ultrasounds are often off by 6oz or so either way, anyway.

Of course, I still worry to a degree. Like every parent, I suppose, I just want my babies to be healthy and I worry this could put her at a disadvantage if they were both born soon. Then again, I know weight isn't everything... and certainly God has taken care of us throughout this, so I have faith that he would protect her in this instance as well. In the meantime, I am adding back in Carnation drinks full of vitamins and extra calories to try and beef her up a little :)

On the way out that day, the woman at the desk setting our next appointments said, "Ok, we're going to do one for next week that will just be monitoring (looking for decelerations in the babies' heartbeats, which they do for most people around this time) and we're going to do an appointment the following week for another growth ultrasound and monitoring... sounds like he doesn't see any point in setting up anything further out...". We were like "Oh really, why's that?" To which she replied, "Oh, he didn't tell you? Well, you didn't hear it from me, but it sounds like he thinks you'll deliver around or before then."

At this point we burst into laughter. It's weird to hear someone put a date on it like that. She went on to comment that with the babies measuring different, and if baby girl is still behind, they may want to induce so that it gives her a better advantage at gaining weight outside of the womb. Then again, we may go in two weeks and things have caught back up and we continue on... as usual, there is no real way to know what lies ahead for us in these next several weeks, so we'll continue to go with the flow. On thing this does do is put a little extra motivation in our to-do list!

Here are a few belly pics from the past couple of months. It's so funny how much it's changed... right along with my now chubby face :) No matter. I love our babies!

Ignoring my embarrassingly dirty bathroom mirror...
this was during week 20, a few days before I went into the hospital.
I'd originally planned to send this to Jay who was out of town
at the time, but never got the chance.

Here I present you two seriously hot pics of me, taken at 26w4d. ;P
This was after coming off magnesium sulfate for the third time. I realized I
hadn't had a belly pic taken since I was admitted at 21 weeks and,
with being sent back to L&D, I wasn't sure how much longer I had at the time.

My most recent: Me and the babies at 30w6d :)

Just call me the energizer bunny :)

Yes, still at home and going strong - 31 weeks this Friday, which seems unreal! I lie here and think that even if I make it to a full 37 weeks (the longest my OB will let me go), that is just a little over a month away. And then our life will change forever. Quite surreal!

You might be wondering what I do at home all day... well, it's not very different from what I was doing in the hospital. I get up to shower, on average every other day, walk to the couch a few times a week for a change of scenery and other than that I lie in my bed, rolling from side to side and seeing just how messy I can be while eating lying down. It's real exciting, let me tell ya. Lots of TV, internet surfing, book reading... repeat.

Oh, and there are doctors appointments to attend, anywhere from once to twice a week. Nice to get out and about, but the extra activity makes me extra tired and also tends to stir up contractions. Since being released I've "passed" two cervical length checks (both around 2.2) with the high-risk doc, and seen my OB once. I now weigh a whopping 150 (that's a total of 43lbs gained so far) and during the quick scan he was pretty sure baby girl had flipped back into a head-down position, from her breech position just two days prior to that. We have another appointment at the perinatal center today and I'm curious to see how she's lying.

I'm also a bit anxious in general. These past two times I've gone, I run through a scenario in my head of watching the ultrasound screen and seeing a cervix that has been compromised. I would really prefer not to be readmitted but I know that if I did have to be, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Now that I'm home though, and feel like I have a tiny bit of my life back, the thought seems dreadful. But, I'm going to remain positive and repeat "my cervix is made of steal" for good measure. :)

What IS exciting about today's appointment is that we get to see more of the babies, find out how much they are weighing now and hopefully catch a glimpse of something extra cute, like toes! I had a dream last night I could see one of their little feet moving across my belly and this time I could make out teenie tiny toes - it was the best! Last scan (just shy of 30 weeks), the sonographer pointed out the fact that baby boy was practicing very good breathing movements, as well as baby girl. This doesn't mean 100% that their lungs are fully developed, but it is a very encouraging sign.

Aside from the day-t0-day, I've been trying to tie up the loose ends on the nursery. My mom and Jay worked on painting and putting up a border, as well as outfitting the cribs with skirts and a valance for the window that I ordered back in December. It is looking wonderful!! I also made and had printed custom name decor and a few other little personal touches that I can't wait to set out. The current task at hand is figuring out how to organize toys and books in a baby-friendly way and to make the changing table area more practical. Now that we're having our shower's after they arrive, I'm also putting together a list of things we'll need to have on hand when they come home. Seeing their room come together is one of the most refreshing things right now.

Among all the craziness, I had a birthday yesterday. 28. Wow, that seems very unnatural. In any case, considering my physical state, it was a very nice birthday. A weekend birthday dinner made by my mom (ssooo good!), couple calls with two very good friends (I sooo love good conversation and miss it like crazy), a surprise gift with a personal touch and a husband who spoiled me rotten. beautiful Flowers, warm cinnamon rolls, a tasty meal and tons of candy, including our favorites: sweet tart Easter jelly bean candy things and lots of delicious chocolate from the Chocolate, Chocolate, Chocolate Company. Yumm-E! All that, and by far my favorite surprise was what Jay got for the kids... two delicate stuffed animals that made my heart melt.

Will update soon with pics and baby weights!

We've done it!! 28 weeks today!

Kids, your mommy has lost it.

Somewhere along the lines... not sure where... but I thought we were one day behind where we actually are, gestational wise. Meaning, that tomorrow's not 28 weeks, TODAY is!

After various people throughout my stay here at the hospital referred to our dates differently, I finally looked through my files on our retrieval and transfer date and worked out the math myself. Sure enough, some where early on I must have got off track and never thought twice. Not that a day is a huge deal, but I'll take it! I am so extremely happy to have made it this far and so grateful for every day that continues to pass! With God all things ARE possible!

Yesterday, I had another cervical check and a growth ultrasound (love seeing our babies!!). I was so anxious to see what these kiddos were weighing. Drum roll: Baby boy is a whopping 2lb 10oz and Baby girl is 2lb 4oz. Not too shabby for one day shy of 28 weeks!! I was really surprised at how long Baby boy is getting. His head is still down very low in my pelvis and his little legs now stretch up around near my ribs! Sissy is in the exact opposite position as mentioned previously. With her being breech, they are taking turns kicking each other in the head I'm sure. :)

Highlights of the ultrasound: Baby boy was caught yawning and playing with his toes. Baby girl was squirming the entire time, knocking into the ultrasound wand trying to figure out what it was. The tech was really nice too. She gave us a CD with short clips of various movements, all of which are below.

Also, more good news is that my cervix has continued to stay about the same length (2.2)!! As such, I just found out that they are releasing me tomorrow!!! Can't wait to sleep in my own bed and love on my puppy dogs!! Even if I'm only home for a week, at least it will give me some time to rest myself. :D Praying we can make a successful go of it!

How I got myself some extra time at the hospital...

They were planning to send me home this past weekend at 27 weeks. Now I'm here for... well bare minimum until 32 weeks or so. I'm just telling myself until delivery ;-)

Last Sunday, during my morning toco to check for contractions, there was a good deal more activity than they wanted to see. Not totally unusual from time to time; in fact, the trend leading up to this day was for me to have a fair amount of irritability, a handful of what I call "bunny-slope contractions" a couple mild "legit" ones. Maybe looking back this was a tell-tell sign of what was to come.

After the nurse popped in to see what was going on, the resident on staff was called. First, I was given an extra dose of procardia around noon. Continuing the monitoring, it was obvious it wasn't going to do the trick. So, in comes the nurse with a shot of terbutaline, which essentially only made my heart race and gave me a case of the shakes. It calmed things for a very short time, but really didn't work either. At this point, the resident decides to do both an ultrasound and digital check of my cervix. She finds I wasn't dilated and, while my length looked ok at first, she thought she noticed it get 1cm shorter during a contraction, even though I felt no tightening whatsoever. (I'm still not convinced she was measuring the right thing...)

After the scan, and bloodwork to check my white blood cell count, she decided to give me indocin. I knew at this point that this was the second to last resort available, so I decided to look away from the toco and try to nap, hoping this day would have a better ending.

When I woke, they decided there was still too much activity and we're going to have to send me back down to labor and delivery for, yet another, round of magnesium sulfate. No, it's not fun to be on at all, but what I dreaded the most was the unknown. Would this work? Will the babies be born soon? If so, can Jay make it back in time?? Even though I was still contracting every 3-5 minutes after the first loading dose of mag, I did finally quiet down after the maintenance dose had a chance to collect in my system. My cervical length check the next day came out great... still around 2.1-2.4. I was transferred back to the Antepartum unit late on Tuesday night, still with a good deal of irritability, but some of which was likely caused by the UTI they discovered I had. On Wednesday, I ran a low grade fever (probably from the UTI), but it was gone by the next day.

Fast forward to today and contractions are busy enough that they've had to give me an extra dose of procardia the past two days, but, for now, it seems to be taking care of them. Crossing my fingers we can make it to 28 weeks without having to be put back on mag... not sure how many more times they'll make that an option. Baby girl flipped last weekend in L&D while they were trying to get her on the monitor (she really, really hates them poking on her), so she's now breech and baby boy is still head down. Now that they are bigger, one of my favorite bedrest past times is to feel their little lumps and punches and try and figure out what their up to. I am still in awe every day that I have two tiny beings in me. God is awesome! As you might imagine, they can kick pretty darn hard now and Jay got to see my belly move for the first time over the weekend. Speaking of which, he is home now, for good, as of this past Thursday. It is beyond great having him back. He has already made a ritual of giving the babies kisses and talking to each of them, being sure tell to them to behave when he leaves. :-) I have another cervical length heck this Thursday, as well as a growth scan of the babies. As always, I'm excited to see how big they've gotten over these past three weeks.

On another undeniable note, yes, by now I very much miss "normal" life. I worry that my other kids (my puppy dogs) may have forgotten me or think I've abandoned them and I, without a doubt, miss their warm greetings, snuggles and the way they can lift my spirits on a rough day. My home. My soft covers and nights in front of the fireplace. Even the multitude of critters out my kitchen window climbing up and down the tall trees. Right down to the comforting rituals of a hard days work: greeting those I missed all day, slipping into something comfortable (because it's an option, not a have-to) and spending time with those I love, especially my husband. Being away from those things is the biggest part of my normal. Of course there are many other things: I can't wait to go to church again and to have a night of laughter with friends. I guess you could say also just miss plain 'ol independence and the ability to stroll through Target or, eeek, maybe even grocery shopping.

Ok, maybe not that. I haven't gone totally crazy ;-)

Even though I miss these things, I truly am so very grateful for the trade-off. One day I know I'll look back on this and it will seem like it all happened in a flash.

Thanks to each and every one of you who read this and have been praying for our family. I am amazed by the outpouring of love we've received from family, friends and those who we're just getting to know. You have all played such an important role and we really couldn't do it without you. You are loved and very much appreciated!